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Archive for September, 2013

A Trip to a Public Restroom with Two Toddlers: A Narrative

Hashtag: I wish I was exaggerating.

Scene: Any public place (but likely Target–the place stay at home moms frequent the most)

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Five minutes into your shopping trip, Toddler #1 says she has to go to the bathroom.

You’re an experienced mom so you judge the situation. Does she really need to use the restroom? What is the likelihood she will actually pee her pants?

Upon reflection, you decide she really does need to go.

You head to the restroom and unbuckle two children from the cart. Toddler #2 immediately makes a beeline for the “Dollar Spot” to take everything off the shelves.  Toddler #1 must really need to go potty because she heads straight for the restroom.

You take both children (and your giant pregnant belly) into the handicapped stall because it is clearly the only place big enough for your brood.

In the time it takes for Toddler #1 to do her business, two things happen.  1) Both children manage to touch the “feminine product” trashcan multiple times, even though you have told them each 1,000 times that it’s “ucky, please don’t touch”.  2) Another woman in the restroom finishes using the potty, washes her hands, and turns on the hand dryer. The hand dryer naturally terrifies Toddler #1 because it’s “TOO LOUD” and you spend the rest of the time in the bathroom covering her ears with your hands to prevent any further trauma.

Toddler #1 finishes and as she pulls her pants up, Toddler #2 flushes the toilet. Toddler #1 is furious because it was her turn to flush. You wait long enough so that Toddler #1 can also flush.

Toddler #1 needs to wash her hands.  Toddler #2 probably does too, but let’s be honest, you gave up on “ideal” a long time ago.

Toddler #1 must be lifted up to the sink. The automatic faucet and soap dispenser will not recognize her little hands so you must get the water and soap for her. While holding her up. And holding her ears in case of unexpected loud noises.

Meanwhile, Toddler #2 is looking under all of the stalls to see if there is anyone to say “Hi” to.

After hands are clean, a decision must be made. Will Toddler #1 use the loud automatic hand dryer or wipe her wet hands on your pants? I generally choose the latter option. 

You get both children back to the cart just in time for Toddler #1 to explore the “Dollar Spot” while you are strapping Toddler #2 back into the cart. You get Toddler #1 into the cart and then put all the “Dollar Spot” junk, err, I mean, stuff back on the shelves. 

You turn back to the cart just as Toddler #1 announces that her “tummy is rumbling”.

You give the children an unpaid for bag of Goldfish so you can browse the clearance rack in peace. Because, let’s face it, you’ve earned it.

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