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Archive for July, 2009

I hit the 13 week mark in pregnancy today.  Some books would say this is the last week of the first trimester.  Some would say it’s the first week of the second.  I’d like to think it’s the first week of the second because I certainly don’t feel first trimester-y anymore.  I wanted to take some time to review how I’ve felt so far. So that some day when my daughter says to me, “Mom, how did you feel during your pregnancies?”, I will have something intelligent to tell her. 

  • Digestion:  I think I started to feel nauseous around 5 weeks.  Not throw up nauseous.  I never actually vomited, but man, there were times I would have enjoyed that release for my digestive system.  Instead, I had this constant nothing-sounds-good-or-looks-good-but-if-I-don’t-eat-I’ll-just-die kind of nausea.  I normally am passionate about food.  I’m not used to just eating for survival.  My nausea let up right around 10 weeks.  I, of course, was really worried, but our appointment went great so that was a relief.  I still haven’t regained my appetite though.  I would love for a food to sound good.
  • Cravings:  Speaking of food sounding good…so far, not much has been satisfying.  I’ve had a couple foods that I craved for a couple days, but nothing longer than that.  Among these cravings….canned fruit cold from the fridge (especially peaches), yogurt (especially Key Lime Pie flavor), and Cheetos.  That’s right, Cheetos.  I don’t even eat any of these foods in real life.  No canned fruit or Yoplait yogurt because of the massive amounts of sugar.  And Cheetos?  Really Baby Baker?  Could we choose any less healthy food to like?
  • Aversions:  The short answer would be everything. But, my big aversion has been cereal.  I ate it one morning early on, and it totally grossed me out.  I thought, “How have I been eating this my whole life?  Every morning, I put food in a bowl and then pour milk all over it and then it gets all soggy and gross and I eat it.  EVERY MORNING.  GAG! 
  • Gross factor:  This might be too much information, but I will say one reason my love affair with Yoplait yogurt ended is that it gave me what can only be described as diarrhea.  I know.  Gross.  That’s all.
  • Speaking of the Bathroom:  I have spent an inordinate amount of time peeing the last 13 weeks.  And the worst part is that after I sit there for five minutes waiting for the pee to come, a little tiny teaspoon dribbles out.  Royce makes fun of me for it.  He’ll say, “Seriously, that’s it?”  Isn’t he sweet?  Also, no more sleeping through the night.  Getting up 2-4 times is the new normal!  Whoo Hoo!
  • Tired:  Making a baby makes a person tired.  Like, can’t even stand up for 20 minutes to cook dinner tired.  I normally get sleepy at different parts of the day so napping is normal for me.  But this is different.  Naps are no longer optional.  My energy is picking back up, but I still need a break most days. 
  • Oh, and by the way, I got acne like a 15 year old girl.  Sweet.

Your reward for caring about the details of my ever-changing body…Belly pictures!

6 Weeks Prego (in other words, the "Before" picture)

6 Weeks Prego (in other words, the "Before" picture)

 

11 Weeks...Total weight gain: 1 pound

11 Weeks...Total weight gain: 1 pound

13 Weeks

13 Weeks

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Our Baby Story

05/12/09
At this point, Royce and I had been “trying” for a couple of months. Waking up in the morning, doing the whole temperature thing. Which you probably only understand if you “tried” yourself before or if you’ve been married without the desire to be pregnant and without the desire to take the Pill. I was on day 27 of my cycle, and my temperature hadn’t started to drop off yet. Which normally starts to happen a couple days ago for me.

Royce couldn’t sleep the night before and for some crazy reason got up at the ungodly hour of 7:30. I told him my temp situation so he gallantly drove the drugstore to pick up a pregnancy test. I got up and decided to pee on it take it, fully expecting it to be negative because, come on, I hadn’t even missed my period yet. But it wasn’t. There was a plus sign. A gorgeous, beautiful, unexpected-but-wanted-more-than-anything plus sign.

We visited my parents later that day and shared the news. And then tried not to vomit with nerves waiting two weeks for our first appointment.

 

Because this wasn’t our first first appointment. And I don’t think I can tell you about this baby without telling you about that one.

01/09/09
Royce and I hadn’t been “trying”, but we weren’t really preventing pregnancy either. We figured we’d start trying sometime in the spring, but if we were blessed with a baby before that, we’d be thrilled. And we were when my period was a couple days late, and a pregnancy test confirmed that I was in fact pregnant. I honestly don’t think we’d ever been so excited. We were going to Royce’s family Christmas the next afternoon and couldn’t wait to tell them the news. It was the first Christmas without Royce’s grandma, and we were thankful for the opportunity to bring life and joy to the day.

I started dreaming right away about baby stuff, baby furniture, baby anything. I couldn’t believe we were so lucky to have gotten pregnant so easily. I had always feared infertility, and it was glorious to have those fears relieved.

2/10/09
Our first appointment. At 8 weeks. I was so excited, I could hardly stand it. The thought had never crossed my mind that things might not go well. And things did go well through the whole physical part of the exam. Almost as an aside, the doctor said, “Let’s go do a quick ultrasound.” And we did. And there was a large amniotic sac. And it didn’t have a baby in it.

We were shocked. We were stunned. We couldn’t believe it. We were being told our options. Our options. What options? Ten minutes ago, we were going to have a precious baby due on September 17th. Now, we have to look at our options. We could wait to miscarry naturally (which with this kind of miscarriage probably wouldn’t happen for another 4 weeks or so) or we could have a D&C. We wept. Told the doctor we’d think about it. I called my mom. For the first minute or so, no words came out.

We opted for not waiting and doing the D&C. On Friday, February 13th. Happy Valentine’s Day!  We wrestled with the Lord.  A lot.  I mean, I honestly think it would have been easier to just not believe in God and think that this randomly happened to me.  Like I just drew the short stick in life so while all these women around me got to have normal, healthy pregnancies, I just had bad luck. 

But the thing is, this wasn’t random.  I believe there is a God, who is sovereign and loving and good.  Who, as I tell students all the time, has a wonderful plan for my life.  And losing this baby was part of the plan.  I had never experienced such deep pain in my life.  My comfort was the Cross, the only reassurance that God actually does love me.  In spite of the pain, in spite of the loss, in spite of unfairness of it all, God actually demonstrated His love for me on the cross while I was still His enemy, stuck in the pit of sin.

My other comfort was the fact that we could try again.  This didn’t mean I couldn’t have a baby, just that I couldn’t have that baby.

That experience has made me much more cautious this time around.  And a lot more nervous.  When we went into our six week appointment, we saw a little blob with a heartbeat.  And we wept again.  This time, tears of joy.  Because there was our baby, and it was alive and well.  At our ten week appointment, our little blob had transformed to look like a real live person with legs and arms and a huge head (much like Royce I suppose) and a heartbeat.  And then, our baby jumped!  Right before my very eyes, our baby moved.  It was the most beautiful thing I have seen in my entire life.  I mean, that was our baby, and it moved.  Inside my uterus. 

Here’s hoping for a healthy pregnancy…by the grace of God…til our due date…January 20, 2010.

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