Seven Years Later…

We look up at each other wearily and sigh as a three year old cries on the floor about who knows what (really random things can be really sad to a three year old) and a one year old clings to my husband’s legs, crying “Daddy! Daddy!”  We tiredly smile at each other, and I say, “Are you sure we can have another one?”

We sit on the couch, side-by-side, each with a girl on our lap and watch our wedding video.  We look at our children and then at each other with tears in our eyes as our family watches the footage of us, seven years younger, smiling brightly at one another unable to take our eyes off each other.  Annelise asks me, “Mommy, ers (are you) sad?”  ”No baby, Mommy is really, really happy.”

I sit on the bed literally wrestling a crying Maribelle into her jammies.  Minutes before, Annelise was sobbing over having to change her underwear.  My husband asks me, “If this moment was all you could see seven years ago, would you still do it?”

Oh yes, I would.  One million times over.  With him.  Only with him.

My husband is the greatest, hardest-working, ceaseless servant I have ever met.  He gives to me and our family in ways that I could never have comprehended when I beamed at him seven years ago on our wedding day.  I love him more now and respect him more today than I ever could have dreamed when we were 24 year old dreamy-eyed lovebirds.  The hard things of raising a family have brought out the best in him. And in us.  

At the end of our longest days, when we collapse beside one another on the couch, I know there is no one I’d rather be walking through this crazy life with.  I want to be here with our two beautifully wild girls and my best friend at day’s end.  There is no one I’d rather look at night after night. 

Third Time’s the Charm

Toward the end of February, both of my girls came down with a stomach bug over one weekend, back to back.  It was disgusting, and I felt so nauseous all weekend.  Which was totally understandable when I considered all the vomit and diarrhea I was cleaning up.

After the girls were better, I still felt nauseous.  And kind of noticed that I felt better as long as I kept eating.  Finally, I thought, “Maybe I should see where I am in my cycle…”  I was only a day or two late, but I KNEW I was pregnant.  The test was a formality.  It changed immediately, and I walked out and flashed three fingers to my husband sitting on the couch.  He ran over to hug me.  We jumped and hugged and silent screamed (Maribelle was napping).

I walked back into the bathroom, looked at the Lord, and squealed, “I love this one already!“

Which was a sweet surprise because just a couple months earlier, I had been terrified by the prospect of a third baby.  I knew that I *wanted* a third baby, but the idea of going through another pregnancy sounded exhausting.  And honestly, I really, really enjoy our family right now.  There was a deep fear that if we had another baby, our family life would be ruined.

And then, something happened.  I can’t put my finger on what, but slowly the Lord started not just opening my heart to the idea of another baby, but actually making me feel excited about it.  It seemed like every time I saw a picture of a baby on Facebook, my heart would think, “Awww, I need a baby to snuggle.”  Or reading about a friend’s pregnancy made me remember the wonder of it all and the blessing of new life.

I’m thankful that the Lord prepared my heart because this is the first pregnancy we’ve had that we weren’t expecting or trying for.  Surprise!  Thus, the tagline for this pregnancy has become: It only takes once.

Our first ultrasound was at 8 weeks on Tuesday, March 26.  We saw the telltale little blob with a little flickering heartbeat.  And can I tell you that IT NEVER GETS OLD?  The wonder of a little person with a little heart fluttering away inside my uterus just floors me every time.  I am so thankful to God for the gift of another baby as we pray for its health and safety in momma’s womb.

We have since told the girls about the newest little member of our family.  When asked if she wants a baby brother or sister, Annelise consistently says, “A baby girl.”  And then quickly adds, “Maribelle wants a baby brother.”  We’ll see who gets what they want because there was only one little person on the ultrasound screen.

Stay tuned. This bun is expected to be fully baked by November 3, 2013.  We will welcome him/her into the chaos with open arms.

 

Liz’s Ultimate Baby Gear Guide

On a fairly regular basis I have friends ask (either directly or via a general question on Facebook) what baby items they should register for.  I am REALLY passionate about baby gear and I have the strength of winning others over (via StrengthsFinder test) so I have a really hard time giving them a good answer.  I want to cover all the bases and tell them WHY I liked/disliked certain items.  So this is my attempt to compile all of those thoughts in one place so I can point my friends here for my thoughts on baby gear three years into this parenting thing…

(This is going to be really boring for 90% of the world’s population and super exciting for the other 10%. Sorry if you’re in the majority)

-Carseats–we had the Graco Snugride, and it was great.  I think the Chicco Keyfit is wonderful too.  I wouldn’t worry too much about your baby carrier though…anything will work.  Your convertible carseat on the other hand is the one your child will use for years.  Annelise has been in hers for over 2 years and isn’t even close to outgrowing it.  Both of our girls are in the Britax Boulevard, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.  It has an awesome headrest and reclines.  With all the traveling we do, it’s amazing.  

-Strollers–this is probably the hardest thing to recommend because it is SO dependent on your life situation. My life on staff with Cru gives me very different stroller needs than a mom who lives in a small town versus a mom who lives in Chicago.  For me, I’d say get a stroller that you love.  This is not an area to skimp.  If I had it all to do over again, I’d probably just get a BOB jogging stroller and nothing else.  I do NOT recommend the travel systems.  They are big and bulky and heavy (with a few exceptions), and when your child is old enough to actually sit up in them, you’d probably just want to get an umbrella stroller.  We did have a Snap n Go frame, and I absolutely loved it.  Highly recommend.  We have the double BOB jogging stroller.  I love it, but after spending a summer with a friend who had the inline Phil and Ted jogging stroller, I’d probably get that.  A little easier to maneuver.

-Monitor–I have mixed thoughts on this.  We don’t have a video monitor, and I was really thankful for that when I had little babies…I would have constantly watched it and worried about my itty bitty babies.  When we switched Annelise to a big girl bed however, I think it would have been wonderful to have one.  

-Baby containment devices–bouncy seats rock! We’ve survived without a swing, but I always said that I wouldn’t hesitate to go buy one if we needed it.  My babies were fine without it so I appreciated having one less item in my house. If you have a two story house (and especially if you have another toddler in the house), I recommend having a bouncy seat for each floor.  (I wouldn’t buy two full price, but find a second one at a yard sale or borrow from a friend).  This is nice because you just need a safe place to keep the baby on both floors.  

-Exersaucers–Buy one! I was so hesitant to get one.  They’re so big and bulky and brightly colored and take up your entire living room.  But I’m telling you, if you want to cook or shower after your child reaches five months or so, get one.  I can’t recommend this more highly.

-Pack n Play–Get one. They rock.

-Boppy/Bumbo seat–I really like having a Boppy, but the lifespan is really short (like 8 weeks or so for us).  However during that short lifespan, we used it all the time.  There are so many people who sing praises of the Bumbo seat, but both of our girls hated it and figured out how to wiggle their leg out and fall out of it in no time.  I do use it for early solid food feedings so I’m not getting rid of it, but I would NEVER pay full price for one.

-Bottles–everyone has different thoughts on this. Avent works for us.  I would recommend starting simple (like Avent or Born Free) and only use some of the more complicated bottles (like Dr. Browns) if you have to…so much more to clean.

-High chairs–We have a wooden one from Carter’s. I highly recommend it.  I know a lot of people use the ones that hook onto one of your chairs.  If we had a six seat dining table, I’d want to do that, but since we only have four chairs, I’m glad we have a separate high chair. It’s very convenient for when we have guests over.

-Baby carrier–Ergo, Ergo, Ergo! I absolutely love this thing.  Even now, I can carry Maribelle in it FOR HOURS and not feel a twinge of soreness the next day.  It is incredible. I had the Baby Bjorn before the Ergo, and the same cannot be said.

-Other–some kind of swaddling device (we used the swaddlers from Kiddopotomus, but I’ve heard good things about the Halo sleep sack swaddlers and the blankets by aiden & anise)

That’s all I can think of right now. I’m sure I’ll be back to edit this post in the future.  

For the Schaeper Family

Some phone calls change your life forever in the most wonderful way: “I’m pregnant!”, “We’re engaged!”, “It’s a girl!”. But some phone calls just bring you to the end of everything you know and shake your world to its very core: “I’m sorry, but your cousin Jason died this morning.” 

Sometimes life is beautiful and wonderful, and you think, “How could things ever get any better than this?” Moments when your child takes her first step or you laugh til you cry in bed with your spouse or you drive in the car with the windows down singing really loud to country music.

But sometimes, life is tragic and horrible and confusing and leaves you lying on your kitchen floor, tears landing on the wood floor as you cry out to God, “How could this happen? Why, oh God, why?”

And the painful truth is, we’ll probably never know this side of eternity why.  It is the question we are most likely to ask and the question that God seems the least likely to answer.  We won’t know why God, the creator and sustainer of life, did not sustain my cousin’s heart and breath. And honestly, any answer to the why question would not satisfy this side of heaven.  There is no good reason that a parent should have to bury their child. 

I do know that God sees and God knows and God cares.  I know that He sympathizes with us in our pain because He wept at the tomb of His good friend.  And in His greatest moment of agony on the cross, Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, WHY have you forsaken me?”

No, God doesn’t answer the question why, but God-made-man did ask the very question that haunts our hearts. “Why, God, why?”  

Jesus said that He came to proclaim good news to the poor and to proclaim liberty to the captive and to bind up the broken-hearted.

And we, we are the broken-hearted.  Jesus came for the likes of us.  

Jesus is near to us in life’s victories, but this I know to be true: Jesus is also weeping beside us on the kitchen floor.  He is holding the parents burying their very hearts in the ground with their full-of-life son.  He is there.  He knows.  And He cares.

He knows. He sees. He cares.

It’s in these moments that I cling to His promise that some day, this world will be made new.  That He will wipe away every tear from our eyes and death shall be no more. And I can declare with the apostle John, “Yes, Come quickly Lord Jesus.”

The pain is too much.  The weight is too heavy.  This is not how life was supposed to be.  

******

My cousin Jason was a light.  He was a joy.  I have loved reading the words of his friends and family on his Facebook page the last couple days:

Jason was such a special person and had such a kind heart.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Schaeper for giving us all the wonderful gift that was the life of your son.

You were a great friend and person to be around. Something about the way you carried yourself and did your own thing made you one of a kind.

You were one of the most genuine and caring persons I know. I looked up to your ability to always see the greatness in others and in life itself.

A loving, kind person who could make anybody laugh.

You always made everyone feel like one of the best friends when you were around them, and were never shy about bringing it in for a brotherly hug.

One of the most genuine and sincere people I know. 

Your smile was so contagious, and you always gave everyone great laughs. So kind and considerate, always trying help others out or just listen. A one of a kind type a guy.

Shhhh, Jason, don’t tell your cousins, but you were always one of my favorites! Funny, witty and easy to be around. I especially loved how sweet and attentive you always were to Grandma Nichols!

Jason, I love you. You were always such a joy to be around.

Jason, you are so loved. You always had a tender heart and light about you.

Jason, I love you. I remember when you sent Joanne a card right before she passed last year. It had a note of encouragement saying something about “When Pigs Fly”. We put in with her when she was buried. That touched my heart.

You’re a part of pretty much every great memory I have from WVU, man.

Such a great and genuine person. Jason had an infectious personality and he cared about every person he came across.

*****

Thank You Jesus for the gift of Jason’s life.  Please be near to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts as we experience the gaping hole left in our family by his absence.

Annelise’s Third Birthday

Annelise Rose–

Happy birthday sweet girl!  You are THREE years old.  Mommy can’t believe it because three is so … grown up.  This has been the year of you shedding the final remains of your babyhood and blooming into a full blown toddler.  You’ve lost the little baby fat you still had.  In fact, you have, like, abs.  It’s crazy.  Your hair has finally grown.  This time last year, people at the store were still mistaking you for a boy.  Not anymore.  You have, as you would say, long hair to the ground (like Rapunzel, duh).

Year three has been the year of language.  You just have had a speech explosion this year.  You speak to me in full sentences, and you pick up words from everywhere and continue to learn new words every day.  Just last night, you were hiding in your closet and told me that you were hiding because “The dragon is going to get me”.  Where do you come up with this stuff?  We’ve never talked about dragons before.  You must have seen it somewhere.  You just blow me away.

You have a lot of cute little speech idiosyncrasies (some which you’re already correcting…sob!).  My FAVORITE thing that you do is say “my” instead of “I”.  So you’re always yelling, “Mommy, my coming!” or “My have snack?”  You also say Papaw instead of Grandpa, and it’s so adorable.  

You basically make my heart explode every single day.  I just love watching who you are becoming and I love talking to you to find out what you’re thinking and how your little mind works.  You are the sweetest little girl I know (so much so that the name I call you the most is Sweets).  You are vibrant and just love life.  You still never stop moving, but you’re much more controlled now.  And you actually listen to Mommy most of the time, which is just such a blessing.

You have embraced your role as “big sister” and love your sister so much.  You girls have so much fun together…running around, laughing, playing with the dollhouse together, singing, reading books, playing with Play Doh, spinning in the living room, going down the slide in your room.  You include your sister in all your games, and you love to “help her”.  Sometimes I have to remind you that “Mommy is the mommy. You don’t get to be the mommy” because you just want so badly to take care of “Sister”.  (Also, the way you say Maribelle slays me every single time…ahhh!)  You are so generous with your sister.  You give her your binkie when she’s sad.  You give her your snack.  You bring her books to read together.  I pray that you girls remain best friends.  Seeing you together is such a gift to Mommy.

You are brave and fearless, but you also like to have Mommy’s reassurance.  The other day, you wanted to jump off the top of your slide and looked at me to see if it was okay.  I told you that you could try it, but you might get hurt.  You tried and jumped off that thing with perfect long jump form and landed on your feet.  You were proud.  And I was too.

One sad thing this year is that you got scared on a ride at the Pumpkin Show, and you haven’t wanted to ride any rides since, even though you used to love them.  I hope that you get over this fear, but the hardest thing is just seeing you experience a fallen world and missing out on fun things in life because of a scarring experience.

One thing from this year that made me SO proud was that you potty trained.  In one day.  I had prepared myself for this to be the hardest and most arduous thing about parenting so far, but although it was hard work, you mastered it so quickly.  You had one accident on day one and from then on (pretty much) told me every time you had to go and then went on the potty.  It was pretty awe-inspiring to see you learn something so quickly.  I’m pretty sure you set me up for very unrealistic expectations for future children in this department.  Oldest children do that sometimes.

As far as your personality goes, you are fairly shy when you first meet new people, but as soon as you warm up to them, you become such a ham. A very loud ham who sings. A lot. Loudly.  Did I mention that you can be loud?  You sing with a lot of … gusto.  I absolutely love it.

When you made me a mom three years ago, I knew that being a mom would demand a lot from me–my time, my freedom, my sleep.  I thought it would feel like a really big deal, and when I zoom out and look at my life from the outside, it would appear I’ve sacrificed a lot for you girls.  I rarely get an uninterrupted nights’ sleep.  I rarely get to eat when I want.  I stay home almost every night while you sleep.  I have little time to do ministry, which I loved.  I have stretch marks on my previously unscarred stomach.  I die a thousand little deaths every day to meet your needs instead of my own.

Bu honestly, when I think about being a mom, the thought that pops into my head, my natural gut instinct thought is “I never made a sacrifice.”  I know a missionary said this once (probably Jim Elliott…he gets credit for all the good missionary quotes), and I always thought it was crazy because he lived far away from his family and gave his life for the advancement of the Gospel and sacrificed so much.  But I think I understand it now.  He never made a sacrifice because what he got in return was so much greater than what he gave.  He never made a sacrifice because he loved Jesus so deeply that giving to Him was a joy.  I understand that now.  I understand loving someone more than I love myself.  I understand that because of the way God has used you.

And because I love you more than I love my to do list when I hear you call to me with one of your three favorite phrases of the moment:

Mommy, come here!

Mommy, come play with me!

Mommy, come sit with me!

I’ll come, sweet girl.  I will always come.  

Love you.

Mommy

 

I’ve spent a lot of Maribelle’s life feeling guilty that I don’t *know* her as well as I *know* Annelise.  You know, that innate mother’s way of knowing her children and what they need and like and what each of their little sounds and faces means.  I know that it’s impossible to compare your experiences with two children…like I probably don’t accurately remember how well I knew Annelise at certain stages of her life.  And I had only Annelise to deal with when she was a baby so of course I felt like I knew her more.

But today, I was laying Maribelle down for her nap and as I did, without thought I put an extra binkie in her hand.  And it struck me that I did this because I *know* Maribelle.  And I know that she likes to be holding something when she falls asleep.  That it helps settle her down.  I would never have done this with Annelise because she didn’t care about holding onto something while she slept.  And I probably won’t do it with future children unless they seem like they need it.  I do it because I know my Maribelle.

It feels good when you have those moments with your second-born.  I don’t want to take them for granted.

(And now she’s up from that nap…gotta go!)

This Is Love

Annelise is my soft-hearted little girl. Oh yes, she has her toddler moments.  But she is my tender heart.

No one is the recipient of her love and care like her little sister.

Yesterday, Annelise had her binkie and Maribelle fell down and started to cry.  She did not have her own binkie so Annelise immediately ran over to Maribelle and gave Maribelle her binkie.  Her binkie is the thing she loves most in the world.  And she knew her sister needed it more than she did so she gave it to her.  Freely.  Willingly.  Lovingly.  Without a second thought.

You guys, I want to be Annelise.

Do to others as you would have them do to you. -Luke 6:31