Dear Baby Brother,
Well, little buddy, your day is coming soon although you seem perfectly happy in your warm home in momma’s belly. There doesn’t seem to be a rush on your part to get out of there in spite of my pleas in that direction.
My pregnancy with you has been pretty standard for me. The first trimester was no fun. I was so nauseous and so tired. And your daddy went to India for ten days. And your oldest sister decided to give up her nap. It was not exactly prime timing. Our little family went into survival mode for a couple months. Which is fine because I know now that those seasons of survival are only temporary and that YOU will be totally worth the sacrifice.
Second trimester was a breeze for the most part. I definitely had more aches and pains this time around. My doctor was right when she gave me the “third baby talk”. She basically said that everything will start to hurt and fall apart quicker this time around. And it did. I had to stop running really early in the pregnancy. I could barely walk without pain actually. That has been one of the hardest things for me to handle long-term this time around. I didn’t realize what a stress reliever running was for me until I couldn’t do it anymore. There were days this summer when your sisters had me at the end of my rope, and all I could think was “I just want to go running!” but I couldn’t.
Third trimester has been rough, buddy. There is nothing in particular, just a vast array of unpleasantness…heartburn, restless leg, inability to sleep, just being really, really big. I start every day thinking, “Yes, I feel great today. I can do this!” By 5:00 though, I’m ready to throw in the towel. I plead with the Lord to let you come immediately. Partly to end the hardness of pregnancy, but partly because we just really want to meet you. Now that I’ve done this thing a few times, I know that having you on the outside is way better than having you on the inside. I’m so excited to see what you look like, how much you’ll weigh, and to snuggle you every chance I get.
Finding out you were a boy was quite a shock to Mommy. I’ve loved having daughters. I sort of felt like I was made to parent girls. So the thought of having a boy was just really intimidating to me. Before the ultrasound, I envisioned the tech telling us “It’s a boy!” so that I could be prepared if that was the reality. And it was…you made it very obvious Even Mommy with her lack of medical knowledge could have undoubtedly pointed out that you were all boy.
Our first ultrasound with you wasn’t totally easy though. We found out that you had some cysts in the ventricles of your brain. Which can be totally normal! But also, it could be a sign that you have a terrible genetic disease that is incompatible with life. It was awful buddy. We were calling our family to tell them the happy news that we were getting a son but also having to tell them the possibility of something being wrong. We know that we are not guaranteed a healthy baby, but it was so painful to have to face that reality so closely.
We had a second ultrasound two days later, and our fears were relieved. You were fine. The doctor didn’t even feel the need to do a follow-up appointment to make sure your cysts went away. Praise the Lord.
And while I would never want to go through those days of waiting again, I will say I think it attached my momma’s heart to yours. From the moment I heard the possibility of something being wrong, my momma bear rose up and declared “I will do anything for this child. This is my son, who I love.” And in those days, most of my fears about mothering a son instead of a daughter dissipated.
The months since then have been spent collecting boy things–blue jammies and boy sheets and Ohio State jumpsuits. Your sisters have started to anticipate your arrival with excitement as well. They kiss my belly and Annelise sings to you almost every day. They are SO excited to meet you (although it might have something to do with them knowing that Grammy and Grandpa are going to come stay for a couple days when you arrive).
So, Baby Brother, we’re all ready for you. You come when you want, but know that we are anxiously awaiting you joining our family. We know we’re incomplete without you. Love you little guy!